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Personality Puberty 

Pitfalls of marriage

How to make love boat has crashed against life is not? Unfortunately, many couples overlook riffs that fraught family life, just swim up to him too close.

People who need help, ask for it too late. Family problems are somewhat similar to the problems with the car. Imagine that you are sitting in the car and hear the noise of the engine. Certainly in this case, you go to the service station. Similarly, marriage: hearing alarm bells, it is best to consult a professional.
Now about half of marriages end in divorce. First marriages fall apart in 45% of cases, the next – even more often.
The social roles of men and women are changing (often wives working more and men are breadwinners). Old people tend to live longer and keep the impact on adult children. Own children grow up and also there may be conflicts with them. These are the main stress factors in modern marriage.
What to do? First of all, turn to a psychologist until the problem has gone too far. No need to get lost in difficult situations or, conversely, to think that you can do it yourself!
Many simply do not know how to compromise and to maintain normal relations. It is not surprising that when a family has problems, such people feel cornered.
In schools, alas, does not teach how to save the family. Here are some simple tips that will help you build relationships with a spouse.
1. Listen to your partner. Listening – the key to understanding. The most common complaint of people who are dissatisfied with their marriage, comes down to the fact that their partner is not listening and does not hear. Listen and delve into what your partner says. He has the right to have their own opinions and freely express it. Skipping his words deaf ears and violently proving him wrong partner, you are digging the grave, which will soon be buried your marriage. Ability to listen and to take other people’s point of view helps to come to a mutually beneficial agreement.
2. Talk about your feelings. Unwillingness or inability to talk about their feelings, experiences and ways of coping greatly complicates the relationship. No more sad picture than a couple lying in bed watching television. Everyone at this moment his thoughts that he did not want to share.
3. to express concerns and complaints in a constructive manner, do not blame the other person. Instead of saying, “You never …” you say, “I feel that …” or “I think that …”. For example, you can express your feelings this way: “When you say you want to stay home and not go anywhere, it seems to me that I was locked up.”
4. Try to make decisions together and find a way out of a difficult situation. Learn to compromise and come to a common denominator. Look for common ground. If your partner loves Adventure, and you are not, try to find a film that can appeal to both of you. Or agree that today you look with action, and tomorrow – a romantic comedy. Is it such a great sacrifice – to spend 1.5-2 hours that are interested in the one you love? Things that your partner thinks are important, no doubt, worthy of your attention!
5. Remember what attracted you to your partner, when you saw him for the first time. Why do you love it? Do not stop to flirt! Often flirting ends when the couple out of the registry office, but it is wrong.
6. Spend more time together. Work and business should not take too much personal time. Some couples choose a certain day or night, they always spend together, for example, Friday night or Saturday. Hire a babysitter or arrange with another married couple, to have someone to look after your children. It is important to spend time with each other, even if only five minutes. This creates a sense of intimacy, or at least the preconditions for the emergence of this feeling.
7. Select the time for conflict resolution. Probably, and your partner, and you do not just say, “I can not discuss it now.” If anyone of you is not ready for a serious conversation, offer to return to this subject later and set the current time. For example: “When you want to talk about it? How about the evening when I get home? Or on the weekend when we go to visit your mother? “.
8. Make a pleasant surprise. It can be a variety of things: a short love letter in the car or in a handbag, a beautiful box of chocolates, a call from work, lunch in a restaurant, with the film disc that your partner has long dreamed of seeing. With these cheap little things if you tell your loved one that you think about it.
9. Plan your family life. Make a plan for major events, discuss it with your partner, make changes when necessary. You must have plans for both short-term (for today, tomorrow, next weekend, holidays), and long-term (for repair, retired).

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